starting again

i had my first appointment with the new therapist today. it felt awkward but good, and i hope she can "help" me, if help is what i need. the problem is that i have no idea what i want, at all or ever, and so it is now her job to make me realize that i am a person with wants and needs. 

i have to finally start work for my online calculus course. i wish i wasn't in it, it's going to be such a hassle and i fear that i won't learn fuck all. but my other classes are promising.